


You're Pretty... Weird

by NanixErka



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Tony Stark, Canon Compliant, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, FRIDAY - mentioned, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Mild Angst, Morgan Stark - mentioned, Post-Endgame, Some Plot, Super Mild, brunhilde - mentioned, doctor strange - mentioned, loki - mentioned - Freeform, not my best work, pepper potts - mentioned - Freeform, thanos - mentioned, valkyrie - mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21740392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanixErka/pseuds/NanixErka
Summary: A really dumb concept that I cannot believe no one else has written, and if other's have, please tell meMCU Spidey get to meet the AA crew
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 144





	You're Pretty... Weird

**Author's Note:**

> This is really, really stupid

Peter was absolutely, positively dreaming - that or his concussion was causing him to have a very vivid hallucination. He honestly wasn’t sure what was a worse explanation for what lay before him.

Before his blurry vision was.. The Avengers? That couldn’t be right. 

Hawkeye was wearing purple - like, bright purple kind of ugly, honestly. He looked a little younger, a little taller, and a little….. Dumber. Peter really wasn’t sure. 

Falcon…. Well, he looked like a circus performer - all those bright colors on his uniform - even on the wings. He also looked significantly younger than before… Hell he didn’t even look remotely like the Sam Wilson he was passingly familiar with. 

Hulk… well he certainly wasn’t the Hulk/Doctor Banner that the boy knew

Black Widow and Thor looked more or less the same, though Thor lacked his beard ( He made up with it with that long hair) , and Black widow was…. Alive. Also she wasn’t blonde. All the pictures that Peter had seen of her before she’d died, she was at least partially blonde. 

Cap wasn’t old, that was… weird.. Overall he didn’t look too different

And Iron Man. . . well, he was there. Physically there. He looked almost nothing like how he *should* - but it was clearly him - arc reactor and all. 

“You’re not _our_ Spider-Man” Cap voiced- finally breaking the tense silence. 

Peter shook his head “... Doctor Strange is gonna strangle me with his cloak” The poor kid realized. 

“Ooh, so the wizard is involved! Typical” Hawkeye coment “But hey, this is still cool! Nice to meet ya, alternate dimension Spider-Man” the man offered his hand, which Peter shook stiffly, still not really sure why he’d bothered. Hulk was starting to lean over with Thor, and even Wilson looked like he wanted to get a better look at him

“Okay, don’t crowd the kid” Tony moved a hand in front of said crowders, then looked at Peter. “How’d you get here?” 

“Magical Mishap” Peter shrugged “Doc was there, so, hopefully, I shouldn’t be here long” 

“Well, that’s good then. Doctor Strange is - if anything - efficient” Steve nodded 

“... Can we start hounding him about his alternate universe yet… or…” Hawkeye pointed at Peter and the boy frowned

“Can uh, I get a glass of water, actually? I’m still feeling funny” 

“Yeah, Cap?” Tony looked at the captain

“On it. Oh and uh, Welcome to our universe, Spider-man” The blonde smiled politely. Seemed that was still the same. 

Peter managed a polite smile in return before this version of Steve Rogers left the room, leaving him with 5 of the original Avengers 

“... Can we ask?” Natasha voiced, her interest seemingly piqued - though more subdued than Hawkeye’s.

Peter huffed “I mean, it’s not like this is an alternate timeline. It’s probably fine” 

“Ooh, me first!” Thor suddenly raised his hand like a toddler and sauntered over, sitting criss-cross style before Peter “Please, tell me how awesome I am??” 

Peter had to blink and process before starting “Well, you’re uh, former king of Asgard” 

“Former??” 

“You gave the kingdom to Brunhilde? She’s a Valkyrie. You went to go have space adventures” 

Thor blinked, befuddled “... Where is Loki” 

Peters expression sobered 

“.... When Thanos….” he clenched his fists “He… died, sorry” 

Thors 'expression softened, a certain sorrow to them. “I see… Thank you for the knowledge” He stood “Pardon me, friends. I need to… think” 

Peter went to stand, but Tony stopped him “It’s okay, Spidey” Tony put his hand on Peter’s shoulder, and the boy suddenly tensed. 

Tony caught it, and furrowed his brow 

“What about me?” Clint tilted his head 

“Oh uh! You’re a former SHEILD agent” Peter brought up - the forced cheer pretty damn evident, but everyone just let it go “But you’re retired now and live on a farm with your family” 

Clint’s eyes became almost comically wide 

“... Family?” 

“Yeah. Your wife Laura, and your 3 kids. Lila, Cooper, and Nathan” Peter further explained “I go spend extended weekends with them sometimes… You’re pretty nice” 

Clint didn’t seem to have anything to say to that “... Not gonna lie, didn’t think any version of me would be a family man” 

“Oh, you kept them a secret for a really long time. No one knew for years” Peter pointed out

Clint paused “... yeah, that sounds like me” 

Peter lightly chuckled. “But you’re mostly over it now. You just wanna see them grow up. That’s what you told me, anyway” 

Clint let out a “Hmmm” as he contemplated his alternate universe self “What about Nat? How does she fit?” 

Peter’s expression twisted again, his hands rubbing together awkwardly. 

“Uh… well…” 

“Out with it, kid” Natasha pressed, though her forcefulness was subdued. 

“... You died… saving the universe” 

Now it was her turn to pause. Clint, Tony, and Hulk all looked at her, while Peter looked at the ground 

“You… gave yourself up to save the universe… Everyone was really upset about it” Peter recalled “Especially Doctor Banner and Clint” 

“Doctor Banner?” Hulk finally spoke, his big green brow furrowed

“Oh uh, yeah! Yeah you and Banner are uh, kinda the same guy?” Peter’s own brow furrowed “I mean, it happened when I was… not around so I don’t know the whole story” 

Hulk just scrunched his face in distaste “Ew. Don’t want” 

Peter just awkwardly chuckled “Yeah, it was… weird” 

“Alrighty you hogs” Tony clapped once to get attention. “Now saving the best for last, me!” He grinned, his tone light. “So kid, what am I like in your universe? Stark Industries still the biggest tech company in the world” 

Peter looked like he’d deflated when Tony turned to him, swallowing nervously before nodded “Mhm.. Stark Industries is… still the best, yeah” 

Tony raised a brow at the vague answer “Am I single?” 

“.. No, no you uh, you married and you, well, have a daughter. Her name is Morgan” 

His brows raised at that “Uh. . . wow… Who's the lucky lady? Or man” 

Peter nearly chuckled, but his eyes were shining slightly “Uh… Pepper Potts” 

Tony’s eyes widened at that. He never really would have expected him to marry, period, but marry Pepper Potts? That was a pipe dream to him. 

“.... That's uh, pretty cool” Tony coughs into his hand, trying to play it off. “So uh, do we know each other, Spidey?” 

Peter, again, didn’t answer right away, swallowing what was probably some emotion before looking at Tony 

“Uh, y-yeah, yeah we uh, we know each other” Peter coughed “Uh, is there a bathroom I can use?” 

Clint pointed over to a plain grey door, and Peter managed to speedwalk over there. When the door was shut behind him, Tony spoke

“.... So uh, I think something bad happened to me in that kid’s universe” 

“Oh really? Never would have guessed” Natasha quipped “The way he’s acting, perhaps you two had a falling out? Or a fight?” 

“Maybe you’re dead” Clint added. Tony glared at him “What? Maybe you died!” 

Tony “hmmed” as he leaned against the wall “Hey, JARVIS?” 

“Yes sir?” 

“That kid’s suit, can you access it?” 

“Indeed I can, sir. It seems to be Stark Tech” 

“Huh” Tony chuckled a bit “So I made him his suit” He mused “Anything on there?” 

“There is an AI who is requesting access to speak with you. The code is called “KAREN” 

“Karen? What kind of name for an AI is that?” Clint voices 

“The kind of name a teenager comes up with” Tony responded “Put her though on a separate channel, Jar” 

There was a brief silence, before a light, feminine voice filled the room 

“Hello, I am KAREN, Peter’s Personal AI. I understand that you are interrogating him. Under the “safe spaces” protocol I can give you access to flagged for view files only, once you have verified your identity. The rest of the catalog and other systems are unavailable until otherwise authorized by Peter” 

“Hm… are there any “no opening under any circumstances” or files named “Tony Stark?” 

“Peter had me make a file titled “Never in a million years - do not open unless you want to be emotionally compromised for 3 straight months” 

There was a collective pause 

“Well now we _have_ to open it” Natasha commented 

“Karen, can I see your code and file capacity?” 

“Certainly, Mister Stark” 

After that, it didn’t take long for him to locate the files. Both audio files. One from 2018, and one from 2023. 

“Audio?” Tony raised a brow

“Maybe the fights you two might have had?” Natasha suggested 

“Only one way to find out” Clint pressed. 

Tony pressed the hologram, and the audio file started to play.

_“Mr stark… I don’t… I don’t feel so good”_

That was Peter. Tony crossed his arms. 

_“You’re alright”_ Another, older voice spoke … him. He was certain that was him from another dimension. 

_“I don’t know what’s happening, I don't-”_

There was a fumbling noise, and the sound of a whimper

_“I don’t want to go. Mister Stark please. Please I don’t want to go, please”_ Peters voice sounded small, desperate, shaking. What was happening?

Tony’s hand gripped his bicep. What the hell was going on?

There was more fumbling, and a terrible silence. 

_“Sorry”_ Peter’s voice almost echoed, and the audio ended. 

“..... What that” even Hulk sounded disturbed. 

“... KAREN, is there any video?” 

“There is poor video from FRIDAY, but it is of low quality and was flagged as disturbing by Misses Stark” 

“... Do you have it?” 

“Yes” 

“Play it” 

Tony wished he hadn’t. He watched this kid he’d known for less than 15 minutes fall into the arms of his doppleganger, and fade to dust…. And then the video kept going. 

He was just… staring at his hand, and seemed to bring it up to his face. Then the video ended. 

“.... I almost don’t want to open the next one” Clint admitted

“Hulk agree” 

“... We’re already here” Natasha argued. Tony assumed it was morbid fascination that was making her curious. 

“... Karen, the second audio file, please” 

“Initiating “ 

_“... Mister Stark?”_

It was Peter. He sounded … ragged.. Out of breath. 

_“Can you hear me? It’s Peter”_

There was vague background noise. Peter’s heavy breathing. No response. 

_“We won…. Mister Stark… We *won* Mister Stark. We won. You did it, sir, you did it”_ There was a ragged breath, possibly a sob 

_“I’m sorry, Tony”_

The audio cut off

“.... So you died” Steve voice, standing at the entrance of the room “You died in his universe. And he was there when it happened” 

“... Shit” Tony rubbed his forehead and dragged his hand down his face. 

“... I reeeeally feel like we crossed a line here” Clint commented. 

“Ethical” Hulk nodded 

Tony swiped it all away, brow furrowed “You guys entertain the Spiderling, I have to… think” 

And he briskly walked out of the room, and into the elevator

“JARVIS, my private lab, please” 

Tony remained silent for the short ride, and strode into his lab with purpose. 

“JARVIS, bring up Karen again” 

There was a moment

“Hello, Mister Stark” 

“I saw something a little funky in your code. Bring up 15-A , 17-B and scroll down to an inconsistency” 

Karen did as told, and he found that the code was a file- an MOV

“Play” 

_“Hey there”_ The film started - greeted by his older, but softer self sitting on a couch in a very very lived in family room. _“If you found this, you’re me. Which is … weird to think about. But it also means that Peter is with you, so I'll keep this brief.”_

_“That kid? Spider-man? Peter Parker? I don’t know what your relationship is with yours”_ He started _“But my Pete? He’s the best kid I know. Well, best “boy”. My best girl is my daughter, obviously, but I can be picky. I’ve only got the two of them”_

The current Tony couldn’t help but stare intensely at this version of himself. His hair had tones of gold and streaks of gray. His eyes were wide, expressive, kind. And the aging in his face - which Tony would have thought might freak him out - didn’t bother him at all. If he aged half as gracefully he’d be a hell of a silver fox. But that's besides the point. 

_“Peter Parker … He’s probably dealing with a lot of shit. Always was… is… God, I hope I got to see him before … You know what? Not gonna go into it.”_ The older Tony sighed _“Just, keep an eye on him. If you’re anything like me you’re gonna want to sign adoption papers after two hours in the lab with him, and you better bring him to the damn lab. He probably broke something in his suit. There’s always something that needs tinkering from him”_

Current Tony was starting to feel uncomfortable. 

_“...I didn’t realize how much I loved him till I lost him… and then I didn’t realize how deep the rabbit hole went till Morgan was born. Morgan’s my daughter, by the way. Absolutely the cutest girl you’ve never seen. Smartest too. Expert at extortion”_

Current Tony laughed a bit

_“But Pete? He’s my son. Take care of him, get him home. Morgan needs her brother”_

And the recording ended. 

“... Well, that was a lot” 

“Indeed, sir” Karen answered. 

Tony breathed out “... JARVIS?” 

“Yes Sir?” 

“Tell the kid to come to my private lab” 

“Of course, sir.” There was a pause. “He’s asking why” 

“... Tell him I wanna take a look at his web shooters” 

“Will do, sir” 

He looked back at the paused video, staring at his alternate universe self’s face. 

“... I’ll get him home” He said to the video, before swiping it away as he heard footsteps coming down to the lab. 

“You asked for me, Mister Stark?” 

“Yeah, get those web shooters off your wrist. Something in me needs to take ‘em apart. Show me how they work?” 

Peter’s excited smile nearly melted the man right there. 

`well, you weren’t wrong, older, less attractive me` Tony reasoned as he offered the boy his work table, watching carefully as Peter took off his web shooters and gently placed them down. 

Peter jumped a bit on the balls of his feet. “What do you want to see first?” 

Tony smiled at the kid’s excitement, and put his hands on his hips, 

“Whatever you think is most important, kid”


End file.
